self portrait and going to the gym experiment

I’ve started going to the gym. Yeah. I decided I would do before, during, and after drawings of my self. maybe these drawings will be the prototype of where I want to get to with putting myself into a calorie deficit and getting active.

Farther down on this post I’ve included some photographs of myself. I feel a bit self-conscious about doing so, but this part of my life, this “getting healthy” part of my life, demands that I record my self…illustrate for myself what I am doing, how I am progressing, which is made difficult by prosopagnosia and perhaps a touch of body dysmorphia…?

June 4, 2022

Each one of these pieces is 22″ x 30″, so the total height when they are added together is 88 inches, or 7 feet, 3 inches high; the figure is larger than life. I did this in recognition of my ongoing struggle to “see” myself; maybe if I make myself larger, I’ll be able to see. It does seem like a good start to this project; I don’t know where the project will go, but I will add to it as I progress in my going-to-the-gym journey. I can see that I’ve not included anything about my “gym” experiences so far. I’ll address that in my next post.

I have something called “prosopagnosia”, which means “face blindness”. I also have a very difficult time seeing what I look like. Not just my face, but also my whole body. My body got larger and larger and although I knew it had, in some ways I couldn’t tell except that my clothes had to get bigger and bigger.

bangs…I decided to give myself some bangs.

I did an assessment of my eating habits. I realized that I was lactose intolerant and that I could not tolerate eating eggs. When I looked at how I might improve my eating habits, I realized that eating a plant-based diet might be a good way to go. So that’s what I did. But then I missed seafood, so I added prawns and salmon back into my diet, which means I don’t need to take an omega-3 supplement.

I lost 40 pounds between July 1 and January 1.

I’d like to lose another 20 pounds, but the last 20 will be harder. When I look at this most recent photograph below, I can see that my upper body has benefitted from the weight loss. Visually. But I also keep track of my bodily measurements, and I know that in terms of inches, I’ve lost inches proportionately at my chest, waist, hips, upper thighs, and lower thighs.

But really, to express how difficult it is for me to see myself, I don’t really see a huge difference between the photograph that follows and the one that comes before. Except my shoulders looks skinnier,

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